Tuesday, December 24, 2013

The Best of 2013 Recap

With 2013 coming to a close, I decided to do a quick recap of the year's very few highlights.

The Walking Dead, Season 4
The Walking Dead says goodbye to two of its greatest characters, Hershel Greene and The Governor, in its mid-season finale. The series leaves us wondering what will happen to Rick and the gang after they are separated during the prison attack.

South Park, Season 17
South Park returns with ten new fun-filled episodes for its seventeenth season on Comedy Central. Highlights include parodies of "World War Z" and Game of Thrones.

The Office, Season 9
The Office bids a final farewell after nine hilarious seasons on NBC.

Paul McCartney's "NEW" Album
Sir Paul McCartney releases the greatest album since, well, his last original album.

Elton John in Concert
Elton John rocks the Chaifetz Arena in St. Louis, Missouri with his collection of legendary hit songs.

SwearNet.com / "SwearNet: The Movie"
The Trailer Park Boys continue to bring laughs in their new SwearNet business venture that launched early this year. The website delivers buttloads of fucked up videos and even a funny as fuck full-length movie that will hopefully be released to a wider audience in 2014. SwearNet also plans to let loose the eighth season of the hugely popular Trailer Park Boys in the year to come.

"Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues"
"Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues" stays classy in one of the best movie sequels in history. This film was not afraid to alienate half of its audience and for that I applaud it. The more fucked up the better, I always say.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

"Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues"

WARNING: The following review contains spoilers.

I have never been a fan of movie sequels. There are very few of them I can think of that have actually worked out well. But of course when I heard they were finally releasing a second “Anchorman” movie I could not help but drool and shit my pants a little. Not a huge shit by any means, but still a shit. Luckily, a huge shit came after I saw the film. I was literally laughing so hard farts were falling out of my ass the entire two hours. I am not even joking. Is this healthy? Should I see a doctor? Because “Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues” really loosened up my bowels. My friend ripped a few as well and said he heard the people behind us say “it smells like shit.” I’m going to blame that on a fart combo power-up between the both of us.

There were so many great moments I don’t even know where to begin. Well actually, yes I do. My favorite part was when the John C. Reilly war ghost was sucking souls out of people during the climactic final battle. Apparently it was so funny I started clapping. I also sounded like an idiot chuckling (yes, I said “chuckling”) at Will Ferrell’s lines when his news team visited him at his lighthouse. And finally, I don’t know how, but I was the only one laughing my balls to a shrivel when Ferrell kept repeating “black” to his new “African and American” boss. Most of the audience members were stupid teenagers who don’t even understand the beauty of innocent racist jokes. I live in a small redneck town so there were not any blacks in the audience. And even if there were I would have laughed without feeling awkward. White teenage guys are fucking morons.

I admit there were moments near the end of the film where they were pushing it so far I was like “what the fuck”. But it did not take long for me to accept it for what it was; complete randomness in a hilarious ass Will Ferrell movie. It is possibly his best movie since “Step Brothers” in 2008.

Very few things in the film did not work. The only one I can think of that really bothered me is Kanye West. His acting was absolutely terrible. And I am not just saying that because I hate Kanye West. He was awful. I could even accept Will Smith who I hate almost as much. The actor who played Ron Burgundy’s son was also god awful but I can forgive him because he is just a dumb little kid who knows nothing about the world. I guess Kanye West’s mind works the same way though. He only made it big because he sold his soul to the devil. The last thing that bugged me was James Marsden’s character Jack Lime. Not because his acting job sucked, but because it reminded me too much Wes Mantooth. I will accept a few unoriginal moments in this wonderful movie though, even when Ron turned blind from a skating accident. What is important is that it was funny. And god damn, was it ever that.

I can only recall seeing two or three movies all year. I saw no other films worth paying eight dollars for besides “Anchorman 2”. But I can safely say that it is the movie of the year. I hope it gets all the acclaim and money it deserves. I give my thanks to Will Ferrell, Adam McKay, and the returning cast of the original “Anchorman”.

Lastly, if you have constipation issues go see this movie on a daily basis. It will clear that feller right up.