Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Top 10 Sesame Street Songs

This is my most genius post yet: "The Top 10 Sesame Street Songs of All-Time". It doesn't get any better than this, folks. I might as well stop blogging after this one. I couldn't possibly top it. So many fun children's songs that can be taken in perverse ways. Especially Ernie's songs. He is without a doubt the biggest pervert in the entire Muppet universe. But the other Muppets have plenty of psychological disorders as well. So squeeze your rubber duckie tight and get ready to hop into my top ten!

10.) "C is for Cookie" - Cookie Monster

Poor Cookie Monster. His Obsessive-compulsive Disorder really gets the best of him in this disturbing footage. The poor guy doesn't even care about any other words that start with the letter 'C'. He is so deep into his O.C.D. I don't think he will ever fully recover. Cookie Monster also shows several signs of Autism and mild Schizophrenia. The monsters singing in the background aren't really even there. And don't get me started on his lazy eyes. They are all over the place. Just a sad, sad story.

9.) "Rubber Ducky" - Ernie

There are so many double entendres in this song I don't even know where to begin. But what this video doesn't show you is that Ernie is actually taking a bath in an elementary school playground. He and his "chubby little friend" were arrested shortly after this footage was recorded. After the arrest they found a dead child at the bottom of the bath tub covered in human feces.

8.) "I Don't Want to Live on the Moon" - Ernie

I believe this was recorded right after Ernie took a hit of LSD or ecstasy. He also forgot to take his anti-depressants on this specific night almost resulting in a bad trip. Ernie was found dead in a nearby lake the next morning. This was the last footage ever taken of the original Ernie from Sesame Street.

7.) "New Way to Walk" - Oinker Sisters

Here a disturbing little tidbit about this song: the reason they found a new way to walk was because they were porked in their asses by a Old MacDonald the night before. It turned these three pigs into total butt sluts. But don't blame Old MacDonald, he is in the early stages of Alzheimer's. That is why he woke up hosting an imaginary TV show.

6.) "If Moon Was Cookie" - Cookie Monster

Here you are seeing Autism at its worst. Cookie Monster was actually singing this song from his rubber room cell in the Sesame Street Mental Institution.

5.) "Put Down the Duckie" - Ernie

It appears as though poor Ernie has a bad cause of O.C.D. as well. He just can't put down the duckie no matter how much it interferes with his daily life. It is causing him to push away everyone he cares about. Hoots sets up an intervention for Ernie but he just can't break the habit. The mind is a powerful thing. It can be our best friend or our worst enemy. Here it is obviously getting the best of Ernie. Even when he puts the duckie down he picks it right back up again.

4.) "Do De Duckie" - Ernie

Here we have one of Ernie's perverted bath tub orgies. I wish I could say that liquor and drugs weren't involved, but that would make me a liar. I am surprised to see some of these upstanding Sesame Street citizens taking part in such a disgusting charade. It truly sickens me. It just goes to show you never know what people are doing behind closed doors.

3.) "Monster in the Mirror" - Grover

In this video we are forced to watch Grover live his every day life with Schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder. On a positive note it seems Grover has learned to live with his psychosis. It has to be scary seeing an imaginary Whoopi Goldberg on a daily basis though.

2.) "Healthy Foods" - Cookie Monster

This is Cookie Monster when he actually takes his medication. It's not much better but at least he obsesses over something that is healthier for him than cookies. Unfortunately, his O.C.D. medication increases his multiple personality disorder symptoms. He frequently turns into a black man who raps about fruits and vegetables.

1.) "Imagine That" - Ernie

This was right before Ernie's second suicide attempt. He slit both of his wrists shortly after singing this song. A contributing factor was his major depression, along with an eight ball of blow.

I hope you enjoyed this blog. I also hope you learned something. Please don't judge the residents of Sesame Street for their many faults. We all have faults. It is what makes us human (or Muppets).

- Ryan


  1. Thanks for sharing! I really appreciate it! :)

  2. Am I an awful human being for thinking that this is hilarious?